A Single Mom, a Daughter of a Single Mom, Finds a Top-Flight Mentor Who Helps Her Career Soar Higher

Oct 17th, 2011 Donald Mitchell

Many people feel burdened by their origins. They feel discouraged because they don't come from the "right" family, didn't have a successful marriage, or are burdened with difficult responsibilities as a single parent. For some, life seems to have passed them by, and they simply hope to persevere long enough so that their children will have a chance at a better life.

Others just count their blessings (even when there don't seem to be many), refuse to judge themselves by their circumstances, and look forward to receiving the best that life can offer. Being hopeful, they often surprise themselves by accomplishing results well beyond what they thought might be possible.

What are the lessons we can learn from those who break through to accomplish much, despite the daunting challenges of adverse circumstances and life's many unexpected, undesirable twists and turns?

Having had the good fortune to meet many people whose success went well beyond what the odds would suggest and eventually became world-class achievers, I have noticed five factors that count for a lot:

1. Seeing serving other people's needs as more fascinating than meeting their own.

2. Being excited about opportunities to help others.

3. Continually seeking out and taking on more difficult challenges.

4. Staying focused on accomplishing what they want, even when life deals them what they usually view as a "temporary set back."

5. Working hard to gain more knowledge and experience that are intended to help them accomplish still more.

As another way of thinking about the perspective I'm describing, it might be characterized as the proverbial search to add more liquid to a perpetually half-full glass.

Let's look at an example to bring these observations into better focus. Ms. Deirdre Amaltifano was the sixth child born to a single mom who decided after two months to give Ms. Amaltifano up for adoption. Ms. Amaltifano considers herself fortunate to have been adopted by a childless couple who raised her as their only child.

In retrospect, leaving her birth family at such an early age may have provided some blessings in disguise. Energetic, out-going, intelligent, and popular, Ms. Amaltifano soon found some of the rewarding connections that others gain from parents and extended family through friendships with schoolmates.

She was a star in college and was well regarded by employers after graduating. From personal experiences, she was attracted to a career as a therapist. Deciding she was up to the learning challenge, she married and started graduate school in the same year. All went well. The future looked bright.

After earning a master's degree in counseling psychology, Ms. Amaltifano enjoyed a booming practice, a happy marriage, and the birth of two fine children. Eventually, she chose to be a stay-at-home mom.

Then, to her great surprise, her husband left her and she was suddenly a single mom with no immediate way to support herself and her children. Knowing that she was a good psychotherapist, she took the steps needed to start a new therapy practice. Unfortunately, a bitter divorce contest drained a lot of time and energy from those demanding activities.

Although it was painful to go through this change in family circumstances, Ms. Amaltifano learned a lot. Her bad experiences with the court system led her to be interested in helping others avoid the same pain. Subsequently, she drew on that interest to establish a fascinating new dimension to her psychotherapy practice.

Realizing that she needed to gain additional knowledge to help patients in all the ways she wanted, Ms. Amaltifano sought a doctoral program that would allow her to study on her own time and avoid repeating courses she had already taken.

Valuing her academic freedom and knowing exactly what she wanted to accomplish, Ms. Amaltifano chose Rushmore University for her online doctoral studies. However, in making that choice, she was concerned that her advisor might not be knowledgeable about her therapy specialty.

To Ms. Amaltifano's great surprise and happy relief, the university assigned as her advisor a veteran Ph.D. psychotherapist, also a busy mom, who shared her interests and eagerly read the latest literature to help provide more value to her individually designed doctoral program. As a result, the doctoral studies went well, she learned what she wanted to know, and she earned a coveted Ph.D. degree in psychology.

Reviewing this experience, Dr. Amaltifano was especially pleased to have gained lots of specific knowledge that she was looking for. After graduating, she was happy to find that professional colleagues paid more attention to her views. Her practice continues to flourish, and her personal life provides many satisfactions that single moms enjoy.

What lessons does Dr. Amaltifano want you to draw from her experiences?

1. Don't let others define what success is for you.

2. Be clear about what you want to accomplish.

3. Learn to direct yourself toward your goals without someone else disciplining you to do the necessary work.

4. Find a great mentor to help point the way.

5. Be committed to working as hard as it takes to succeed.

6. Continually build on what you know to become more effective at what you want to accomplish.

Anyone whose road through life has been challenging should feel encouraged by Dr. Amaltifano's experience to believe that trying to fill life with more accomplishment, happiness, and contribution should be achievable by focusing on the possibilities rather than the past.

About the Author:

Donald W. Mitchell is a professor at Rushmore University, an online school, who works with many doctoral candidates who wish to accomplish their dreams. For more information about ways to engage in fruitful lifelong learning at Rushmore to increase your effectiveness and improve your career, visit http://www.rushmore.edu

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